Cahiers du Vleeptron continued discussion of Disney's RealD Sleep Aid, "John Carter of Mars"
PatFromCH has left a new comment on your post "Cahiers du Vleeptron reviews Disney's RealD (tm) p...":
Hang on...you mean...someone made a movie that is worse than Avatar ?? ohdearohdearohdear !!
Because those old Barsoon stories are not exactly High Literature they would be ideal for popcorn cinema, expecially with the CGG of nowdays.
and if Vleeptron says they were able to eff that up, alas, it cannot be otherwise. Hell, they have pree-screenings where people tell them what they think about the general release of a movie. If they don't like the ending, the haircut of the main actor or a side character it will be cut and redone. so now Disney effed up on a major scale, Tant pis, happens to every big studio every now and then, yet this was a movie I had some remote interest in. Bugger
Posted by PatFromCH to Vleeptron_Z at Friday, 23 March, 2012
The popcorn was great! I should have said that.
The unhappy consequence of RealD (tm) and the last 10 years of big-budget computer graphics -- like that synthetic troll Golem crap in "Lord of the Rings," and like "Avatar" -- is that weak-minded and badly educated studio execs forget the reason people want to pay $12 to sit in a dark theater for 110 minutes.
They want to be told a Story. A good Story. A Ripping Yarn, like "King Solomon's Mines." They want to go off on an Adventure they really find thrilling, exciting.
Without the "soul" of a good story, hyperexpensive noisy crap like "Avatar" and "John Carter" ... well, there I was on Barsoom watching Barsoomian blind hairy giant apes battle 4-armed horned Willem Dafoe, and I kept falling asleep. The theater seated 200+ people, and there were about seven or eight paying customers. This was an Astounding Adventure on Mars which utterly nobody gave a flying fuck about. They would rather have spent the 120 minutes at the dentist.
On the other hand, up in the right-hand corner of this blog is my "avatar," the Cyclops from "The 7th Voyage of Sinbad," stop-motion effects ("Dynamation") by Ray Harryhausen. I first saw this thing when I was about 14, it struck me blind with amazement, and I have seen this magical shadow-picture story 40 times since then.
Ditto, from the same era, "Forbidden Planet." (Disney studios cranked out the terrifying "Monster From The Id" as a contract job for MGM.)
I can watch a good story over and over again. I love great special effects -- but they have to be the work of an authentic Artist, someone with taste and imagination.
"Avatar" -- graceless, clumsy, silly, embarrassing both in the loud, junky FX and in the dumb story. (I hope Sigourney Weaver got cash up front.)
We neglected to mention the literary original of "John Carter": Edgar Rice Burroughs, more famed for "Tarzan." Of Boy Adventure Drek Lit, probably one of the worst. (H. Rider Haggard is actually a major shrine of interest and analysis for Jungians for "She.")
Did you happen to catch the recent re-make of "The Day the Earth Stood Still" starring Keanu Reeves as Klatu? One reviewer said Klatu came from The Planet Where People Have Only One Facial Expression.
These are movies where about 30 minutes in, you just want to stand up and scream: I DON'T CARE! WHO CARES?
Oh, an important warning. "John Carter" is a very long Adventure. Make sure you use the toilet before the show starts, especially if you bought a big Coke.